| count your blessings. |
[27 Jul 2007|10:40am] |
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mood |
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 thankful |
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i should really sit down more and think about things. when i do, i recognize how wildly lucky i am. beyond the things that i never had any control over, like the fact that i was born in an industrialized nation and lived in an area where higher education is rarely a question. i have a family that loves me and would do anything for me... which sadly isn't the case in many places.
and when higher education became an issue for me... look where i ended up. my university is tied for twelfth in the nation. seriously? i have friends who read what my professors write. i guess i never really expected that. in a good way. the people i've met at school are amazing. they're interesting people who are smart and fun to be around. i'm in a sorority that should hardly count as a sorority because we're nothing like what anyone expects... in a good way.
and i have amazing friends... everywhere. there are the ones i've known forever who i love and can't imagine who i'd be without. and then people i've met recently... church, school, fyi... and all of them are so great. i could never have hoped for this many wonderful people to be a part of my life. i recognize that i overbook myself and suck at keeping in touch sometimes but i really do try my hardest.
i guess its just easy to focus on the negative. the things in my life that i don't understand and i'm frustrated by and i can't control. time never seems to be on my side these days... except with the traffic lights this morning. so we'll see.
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[12 Jul 2007|09:17pm] |
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i have this weird thing with traffic lights. i believe in God. the conventional one. but somehow i feel like traffic lights have this connection to how my life is going. for example, on my drive to work yesterday i hit every yellow light. no joke. more than half of the lights i got to turned yellow as i was about to go. whether or not i'm being logical that makes me thing that i need to slow down in life. or turn another way. ive always seen it as a way of getting my attention. my attention is gotten. what next?
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| poop |
[06 May 2007|11:31pm] |
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i love poop soooooo much
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| werd |
[13 Apr 2007|05:48pm] |
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i love balls
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[17 Oct 2006|09:25pm] |
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one of my favorite parts of cornell is all the libraries. the food isn't half bad, and the weather is usually better than today. my umbrella flipped like four or five times just on the way to history this morning. i'm starting to plan my classes for second semester. i'm a little cold right now, but its ok. my parents are coming up this weekend. i want to take a nap. i love it here though. funny how i used to say i'd never end up here.
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| COLLEGE |
[26 Aug 2006|11:29am] |
hey guys! so i'm at cornell. i left home the thirteenth, went backpacking in the adirondacks, got here on the eighteenth, and started classes on the twenty-fourth. i have actual homework today. talk about suck.
but i figured i should update because i haven't... i'm really happy here! i usually only livejournal when i'm sad, and i really haven't been. i have three pretty solid places where i look for friends: cc kids, who i don't hang out with much, but who running into is nice. backpacking friends, who are awesome, and i love them. my floor's really cool too... i went out with them last night, and most of the time. and that's all.
i'm having fun! i miss you guys thoughhhhh talk to me :)
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[06 Aug 2006|11:37pm] |
Slow down for three minutes to read this.
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8
year-olds, "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have
imagined. See what you think:
_____
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her
toenails anymore.
So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got
arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8
_____
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
_____
"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and
they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5
_____
"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries
without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6
_____
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
_____
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before
giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
_____
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,
you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8
_____
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening
presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7
_____
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who
you hate,"
Nikka - age 6
_____
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it
everyday."
Noelle - age 7
_____
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends
even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
_____
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at
all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
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"My mommy loves me more than anybody.
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6
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"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5
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"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is
handsomer than Brad Pitt."
Chris - age 7
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"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all
day."
Mary Ann - age 4
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"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes
and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4
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"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars
come out of you."
Karen - age 7
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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean
it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
_____
And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a
contest he was asked to judge.
The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an
elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.!
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard,
climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy
said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry"
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[19 Jul 2006|11:38am] |
SLOW DANCE
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
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[26 Jun 2006|05:42pm] |
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so death is scary. that's pretty much a given. the fact that i'm really overwhelmed right now makes sense. the fact that graduation was three weeks ago and someone from our graduating class already died is scary. but that happens. i think the part that's hardest for me to comprehend is that he didn't just die. he wasn't sick, it wasn't an accident... he was shot. like, someone did it to him. at home! in front of his house?! i don't even know how to respond. so i'm kinda sitting here confusedly. i think i'll go to this coffeehouse battle of the bands thing tonight but i feel like seeing a ton of kids from my class may just be overwhelming. we'll see. i had a really good weekend though.
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[15 Jun 2006|11:14am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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i haven't updated in a very long time. sorry, guys. i've been quite busy. hmmm let's see. tons of grad parties, graduation, prom, beach... all night live! pool party, amnesty bbq... its all been great. we were going to go to bermuda but then tropical storm alberta beat us so now we're going to the hamptons and nyc. everything's kinda going my way. its all good :)
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[06 Jun 2006|08:47am] |
"Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them
and they flew.”
-Guillaume Apollinaire
sooo its 06/06/06. yeaaaaa. nice. theoretically we'll actually pull off the graduation rehearsal without having to REDO it because our faculty doesn't know which side of the hallway to line us up on. yes, that would be nice. i think i am on the way to working my life out which is quite calming. but i'm not quite there, which makes it more stressful than ever. hey, i'm optimistic. tomorrow is prom! that is exciting. i really need to fill out my cornell and fyi f orms. but i'm awake late, which is nice. i think i'll go take a shower then get ready for school. well, not for school. because i'm done with that :-D
At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you, and once in a while people may even take your breath away. -- grey's anatomy
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[01 Jun 2006|11:11pm] |
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There are days that make the sacrifice worthwhile. And then there are the days where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then there are the sacrifices that even you can't figure out why you're making. A wise man once said that you can have anything in life if you will sacrifice anything for it. What he meant is nothing comes without a price. So before you go into battle you better decide how much you're willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building. - Grey's Anatomy
i think i'm feeling nostalgic. i'm finishing my last high school paper ever which, fittingly, was due on wednesday. its 11:11 too. i best go finish work. make a wish or something.
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[25 May 2006|06:32pm] |
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mood |
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 abandoned |
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music |
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favor house atlantic // coheed&cambria |
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i've been in a really bad mood for the last little while and its actually really starting to get to me... in the way that instead of internalizing it i'm taking it out on the people around me. i really should snap out of it but i'm not sure how.
i guess it makes sense that i'm starting to be really ready to go. it fits, at least. i'm getting really frustrated with my world. i feel like all the people who i thought i could depend on i no longer can. nahhh that's exaggerating. but i wish more of the people who i cared so much about cared as much about me. or showed it. or something. i guess i just wish i had more dependable friends. i've been here for almost ten years now. maybe i'm just getting over emotional. maybe i'm just picking fights and being too touchy since i don't want to be close to too many people when i leave. if i keep going this way, i certainly won't be. at this point, the only part of going to school that bothers me is that i have to stop sleeping to do so. i don't really work in any of my classes.
my rhetoric paper tonight is about my most memorable moment from the past four years. i don't want to write about palen circle from miami because it will put me in a bad mood... priceless. i'm already in a bad mood anyway. whatever. but i need to think of something to write about and i can't. that frustrates me too. i do recognize how lucky i am and how much of the past four years have been amazing but right now i just don't feel like appreciating it. i feel like killing someone or breaking something. i broke a plate earlier today. didn't really make me feel good though. i'd love to punch someone. i was really mean to marianna... i feel bad. i need to go apologize. but i'm afraid i'll be mean again.
i'm really tired of all the problems that i'm dealing with. i don't even care anymore, i just want them to be over. i want to not care. i do. that's the problem. hopefully this weekend will be fun. i don't really know what i'm doing yet though. but at least saturday will be fun. maybe it will put me in a good enough mood to last the rest of the next few weeks. at least next week. i'm not really future looking yet, i'm still going day to day. tomorrow should be nice. beth's graduating. i'm so proud of her :) neill and tom and lyss and i are going.
i wish someone would notice...
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| i love MOLLY |
[22 May 2006|08:06pm] |
1. six flagssss hopefully?
2. "be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind" because it is true. and it helps me remember that.
3. honest happy lucky
4. so many things. probably some wild adventure. we tend to go on those. i enjoy them.
5. graduation, and everything that comes with it. seeing everyone who's important to me within a week with SO FEW exceptions.Explanation:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by asking you five questions, possibly creepy/personal.
3. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
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[15 May 2006|11:44pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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chasing cars // snow patrol |
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i've been in a very melancholy mood lately. i don't know if melancholy is really the best word to describe it or not, but i really like the word. i like its sound.
see, i don't like things ending. and i don't care about how stupid i sound but all the tv shows are ending for the season and its the beginning of everything ending. and west wing is over forever and that makes me sad. and denny died and doc died and meredith's stuck between two really great guys and what is she going to do now?? nobody knows. i don't care if everyone makes fun of me for caring about people on tv like they're real but i hate when people are sad. and when they all walked out tonight i was sad too. and andrea died on ghost whisperer?! why are so many people dying.
i'm really busy right now, and i'm not really sure how. but i have a ton of stuff going on and its kinda overwhelming. i feel myself really needing alone time... and if you know me, you know that's weird. instead of doing work or productive things i'm doing a lot of things that, although awesome, don't really do things with my time. i'm reading a lot. awards ceremony tonight. senior project stuff lots. not mine, other peoples'. rhetoric debate. church wednesday will be nice. all of a sudden i have so many things to do that i want to do but i don't have time. i can't have lunch with everyone i want to and i can't do everything i want to do. we only have like 14 days of school left. we're getting our yearbooks in like two weeks. OUR YEARBOOKS. that's weird. i think its weird.
i feel like there are a handful of relationships that i really need to address. maybe not in a really intense way... maybe i don't even have to. but i've gotten into my head that i do. so i do. i feel this huge need for closure. that i really need to connect to everyone and talk to everyone then leave. i was talking to ben and he warned me about how seniors often pick fights with people to make leaving easier. as soon as he said that, i remembered. it happens a lot. and now i'm scared that i'll do it because, let's face it, that's totally something i'd do. i really want to talk to everyone and tell them how much they've meant to me and everything that they've done for me in the past four years... and life... but i'm scared and overwhelmed.
hmm a theme. lovely. like in my spanish poem. which i love, by the way. get ready:
dentro de mi mi edad creciendo
dentro de ti tu edad andando
el tiempo es decido
no suena su campana
it gets better, promise. but its so sick. and over. that's nice :) all i really have left is my rhetoric debate, my spanish project (ha!), and then maybe a rhetoric final? and that's really it. forever. weird. i'm feeling a little nostalgic, clearly. there's this one... thing. in my life. if i'm not specific you'll all think i'm talking about you but chances are good that i'm not. i feel like i've gotten myself into a really complicated situation consciously and now i'm just in trouble. and i'm going to end up being hurt by people i really care about. real smooth, ace.
my physics class spent a week doing "physics olympics" which consisted of an egg drop, sudoku, crossword puzzles, whatzits, scattergories... and more. i'm kinda sad its over.
i'm going to go read my book and go to bed. tomorrow i'll go to physics, and psych, and rhetoric, then i'll have lunch with geoff, then i'll come home, then i'll have lunch with tom and melissa, then i'll go to spanish, then i'll go to wiqh... then i'll come home. then i'll go to tom's. then i'll come home. then nick will come over.
when i plan my days like that, they're less overwhelming... although there is not enough me time in that day. hopefully i'll figure it out. i need to go book shopping. if you've read to here, i'm in shock. i'm such a mess... my head is so confused. but i love you :) peace
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[30 Apr 2006|12:29pm] |
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i'm really having quite an amazing weekend. screw ap's, right?
so on friday i helped karin with the confirmation retreat. it was pretty darn awesome. there's nothing like hanging out with (almost) all of my favorite freshmen :) plus i wrote a new faith statement which i'm in love with. i think i may go see katrina sometime this week to see if she still has my old one, because i don't think i do. hmmm ok i just found it and it was pretty lame. hmmm. i'm glad i did another one. i'm going to put it into my computer and show karin because it makes me quite happy. i may send it to matt and alex too. and of course, anyone else who wants to read it. because this stuff is interesting.
yesterdayyyy i got home, took a quick nap, and went with annelise and jb to marianna's match. that was fun. the girl she was playing was way intense. loser. thennn i went home and changed and stuff and got jb and he and marianna and i went to the guster concert. getting there was a bit of an adventure. we got to amherst fine then couldn't find amherst college. hmm embarrassing. but the concert was AMAZING. i had heard that guster was good live, but WOW. i really do like their old stuff. i'll get their new cd when it comes out though... on JILL'S BIRTHDAY.
oooh speaking of jill, did any of you guys go to semi? i know you did. how was it??
annnnnd today i have to read like 75 pages of my non-fiction book for rhetoric, then write a paper on it... because let's be serious, i procrastinate. but i obviously have to see heather because she's FINALLY home from france. plus the great big sea concert tonight :-D so exciteddddd
my life isn't any less confusing, but i care less... i think. i'm happy. i've finally figured out that i should just be content with what's going on, since i'll be gone in four months either way. its less than four now though... four months from now i'll already have started classes. wow, weird. so like, three and a half. but prom and graduation and everything is in between now and then. that's a little scary...
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[23 Apr 2006|11:11pm] |
i feel like i'm on an emotional roller coaster and it really frustrates me. i hate that i'm tied to feeling these stupid emotions when all i really want to be is gone. being here and focusing on things that in the long run are so unimportant feels ridiculous. yet i can't help but get caught up in all this...
i had a really great break. i love church kids. get on the bus was great. the spa was quite relaxing and just what i needed, but i feel myself slipping into the familiar pattern of caring too much. what other people think doesn't matter. i need to keep reminding myself of that. plus i need to just do what makes me happy. easier said than done.
but don't get me wrong... i'm happy. i'm content with my life. there's just one thing that i'm really not sure how to handle. the advice of 'be a bitch' is good and appropriate but isn't going to happen because it isn't who i am. i'll figure something out, and everything will be just fine. somehow i have this insulation of a few people who are somewhat detatched but pretty much amazing.
speaking of amazing people, i miss carly. love you
i wish i could fast forward til like... june 10. that would be nice. then graduation and whatever our wild party thing will be called. then bermuda with the fam and then fyi and summerrrrr and then i'm gone. woooosh. guster and great big sea this weekend though :)
11:11. make a wish
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[17 Apr 2006|02:00pm] |
good for a laugh
off to a spa with mom for a few days. no college visiting for me :-D
text me and make my day
love you all
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[15 Apr 2006|11:23am] |
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i got permission from my parents for all the concerts. two weeks from today is guster. two weeks from tomorrow is great big sea. two weeks from tuesday starts my ap's. four months from about five days ago i'm gone forever. lots of countdowns. school's out in about 30 days. school days, at least. easter is tomorrow. the parade is monday. get on the bus is friday. i'm going to go be productive.
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[14 Apr 2006|01:14am] |
hmm i have interesting things to say... maybe. a lot has gone on in my life intellectually in the past while.
discussion group was wild. so miller in life class on thursday did if you had an hour to live, who would you call? so we talked about it at dg. it was really overwhelming. the combination of people that we had resulted in some really powerful experiences that people were able to share. definitely a good experience. i love being able to talk about stuff in a group. i don't know if that makes sense, but that's all i got. they understand.
tonight was amazing. i ran a hunger banquet at my church. for those of you who don't know what that is... sorry. but we had 40+ people and they all CAME of their own free will except for my friends who i forced to come. and my sister. i forced her too. but otherwise all those people were there because they WANTED to be and it was just really awesome and i think i reached people. score for me. tonight's service is my favorite ever. i love the shadow.
that is all. ms clark got engaged and i am so happy for her. that's exciting. my physics test was not amazing, but i'm not so upset because it is vacation. i need to figure out prom but whatever. i'm not too worried. jb's coming. haha i'm psyched. and going to bed. we saw take the lead tonight and it was fabulous. whoever said it was bad was WRONG. lyssa's in greece. sad. if i don't talk to you, happy easter guys. i love easter. what a great holiday!
after break the next two weeks are loaded. but after that we're in the clear. then we'll finally be able to be SENIOR SPRING seniors who do whatever whenever. and go on the swings at night... and sure, we can drive around until everybody's... wait, what? hehe. i'm excited for everything that comes with APs being over. especially less work :)
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